It's been swimming around in my head all this time. All I've done was run from it. Hide. It's time to confront these thoughts. Make a decision. Is it time to ignore the part of me that wishes I was back in California, drunk and high and acting my age or is it time to suck it up and do something with myself. I don't feel like I'm completely ready to grow up but I want to. I don't want to be a drunk. I'm tired of the parties and the same old shit every fucking day. It's been a good year since I've had that and I do miss it but I don't want that shit. I can't go to California and fall back into the irresponsible cloud of people I was in before. I love my friends but that shits not for me. But being so young and yes...immature, means I'm just going to have to try that much harder for the things I want. I didn't want to try. I just wanted to have fun. I've been dreading this but I think it's time I slap myself in the face and get my shit together. Do something with myself. A little bit for you, but mostly for me.