There was a girl
There was a girl [entries|friends|calendar]
with light brown streaks

[ She was * beautiful ]
[ But she * didn't ]
[ mean a thing * to me ]
[ Yeah she * was beautiful ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(2 bad monkeys | *Jump on the bed* )

[08 Jul 2004|08:25pm]
KillLoveSongs: wow youre hot
his babie gurl: Who are you?
KillLoveSongs: id like you to touch my light saber
his babie gurl: Who is this?
his babie gurl: And i have no pictures on AIM so how do you know what i look like? Hmmmmmmm
KillLoveSongs: community
KillLoveSongs: durrr
his babie gurl: what community?
KillLoveSongs: i dont know some lame ass LJ community
his babie gurl: mm
his babie gurl: Whats your LJ name?
KillLoveSongs: i dont have one
his babie gurl: Whats you name?
KillLoveSongs: my name? my name is jo
his babie gurl: pfft
his babie gurl: Whatever
KillLoveSongs: why did you ask if you werent going to believe me anyway
his babie gurl: Bc maybe if it were half-ass believeable i would
KillLoveSongs: and why does it matter since i could say anything to you and you wouldn't know if it were true or not. im an 87 year old man with a 12 inch cock
KillLoveSongs: what? jo isnt a name?
KillLoveSongs: jo...short for joann
his babie gurl: Not yours. And its the way you said which made it not believable
KillLoveSongs: fine my name is ferdinand
his babie gurl: Thats nice. How did you run across my LJ entry?
KillLoveSongs: There's many different ways I could've stumbled upon you're meaningless livejournal. one: random search. two: through a community I found through someone else. 3: by searching the database for "skanky ass fat sluts"
his babie gurl: Oh, mmm, thats nice.
KillLoveSongs: I know
his babie gurl: Is there anything else that you need to ramble on about?
KillLoveSongs: Well as long as you're listening... it's called a condom. Or a sponge. Or birth control pills and now a days there's even the birth control patch so you don't have to remember to take the pill everyday because I know for someone as airheaded as you it can be difficult.
his babie gurl: Oooookay?
KillLoveSongs: don't reproduce
KillLoveSongs: anymore than you already have
his babie gurl: M'kay... Whatever?
KillLoveSongs: i love you
his babie gurl: Thats nice.
KillLoveSongs: just dont break my heart again ok baby?
his babie gurl: Mkay. If you say so
KillLoveSongs: one thing we're going to need to work on if this relationship is going to work is your vocabulary
his babie gurl: Ugh. Why are you still bothering me. Is there any specific reason as to why you are still talking to me?
KillLoveSongs: You know it's as simple as a click of a button to get me to shut up
KillLoveSongs: but you need the attention don't you
his babie gurl: What attention am i getting from you?
KillLoveSongs: the fun kind
KillLoveSongs: there are different kinds of attention. just because its not positive doesn't mean it's not attention.
his babie gurl: Mkay, if you say so
his babie gurl: So how did you get this screen name?
KillLoveSongs: through you're info stupid
KillLoveSongs: god you're dumn
KillLoveSongs: dumb
KillLoveSongs: you put it in your info
KillLoveSongs: so why does it surprise you that someone found it?
his babie gurl: No, im not. I was just seeing if your story was still the same
his babie gurl: Duh
KillLoveSongs: Well I'm not stupid enough to change it...duh
his babie gurl: I dont know that... It doesnt seem that way to me. You never know.
KillLoveSongs: Ok if anyone is the stupid one it's you. Read all the things that I've written and compare them to yours, all yours consisting of course of, "Mkay if you say so."

just goes on and on bla

(6 bad monkeys | *Jump on the bed* )

[03 Jul 2004|10:04pm]
Read more...Collapse )

(*Jump on the bed* )

to be perfect just like you [02 Jul 2004|03:14pm]
[ mood | sad ]

It's been swimming around in my head all this time. All I've done was run from it. Hide. It's time to confront these thoughts. Make a decision. Is it time to ignore the part of me that wishes I was back in California, drunk and high and acting my age or is it time to suck it up and do something with myself. I don't feel like I'm completely ready to grow up but I want to. I don't want to be a drunk. I'm tired of the parties and the same old shit every fucking day. It's been a good year since I've had that and I do miss it but I don't want that shit. I can't go to California and fall back into the irresponsible cloud of people I was in before. I love my friends but that shits not for me. But being so young and yes...immature, means I'm just going to have to try that much harder for the things I want. I didn't want to try. I just wanted to have fun. I've been dreading this but I think it's time I slap myself in the face and get my shit together. Do something with myself. A little bit for you, but mostly for me.

(1 bad monkey | *Jump on the bed* )

[02 Jul 2004|02:08pm]
theres a grand brewhaha in principal wartz's office.

(*Jump on the bed* )

if we were dinosaurs I'd eat you [02 Jul 2004|01:05pm]
that sounds like you're coming on to me

My boobs hurt really bad and seem to be filling my bra more than usual.

Nothing to say, work is okay...the rhyme was not intentional.

I feel wierd being here alone. I just don't like being alone. It reminds me of when I was living in Santa Cruz with my dad. It was always so quiet when I woke up and I was the only one there. I don't like this at all.
I could hear Dave talking this morning, but I was already too far into sleep to respond. The talking started to fade and what seemed like 2 seconds later I woke up and jumped out of his bed and looked around for him. He'd already left for work. It was shitty.

(*Jump on the bed* )

[25 Jun 2004|08:49pm]
sounds good

I'm in the mood to be fucked with but not actually fucked. Just teased and tormented til I'm begging for it. Wow I can be a horn dog sometimes. Too bad my sexy man beast of a boyfriend is bowling.

(*Jump on the bed* )

[25 Jun 2004|08:02pm]
I changed my journal.

(6 bad monkeys | *Jump on the bed* )

[18 Jun 2004|07:53pm]
**click me for pictures of a couple sexy moronic beasts**Collapse )

(2 bad monkeys | *Jump on the bed* )

and now you want to ask me's like how does your heartbeat and why do you breathe [18 Jun 2004|06:09pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Moe sent me pictures of me at the party he threw when I was 15/16...somewhere around there (Thank you Moe, I love you). I can't even put into words what I've been thinking lately because I know if I tried people would think I was over reacting and say, "That's life." And I know it's life but I want back what I never really had to begin with. I want to be a kid. I want to be young and carefree instead of being pregnant and getting my heart broken over and over again by someone I loved and not remembering the night before because I was too drunk or too high or slept 48 hours straight because I couldn't stand being awake and thinking about how fucked up and chaotic everything around me was. I'm not trying to come off as an attention starved teenager. I just... fuck I don't know. I guess I'm just mad at myself for being in the place I am now. I feel like I need to grow up and have a baby and a husband and the whole stupid overdone and overpriced white picket fence bullshit lie of a lifestyle.
--click--Collapse )

(*Jump on the bed* )

this is the reason why i hide [18 Jun 2004|02:52pm]
I really like my new job, that makes me happy. I don't think I'm ever going to work at a corporate restaurant ever again. FUCK Ruby Tuesday! Sneaky Pete's just reminds me of the place I worked at when I was 14. It feels more like home. I love it.

I had trouble convincing myself to fall asleep which means I had trouble waking up. I laid in bed with my legs hanging off onto the floor for like 10 minutes. Just couldn't get all the way out. I hate that shit. I do like working day though. Getting home at 2 is nice.

Ryan bought me this stuffed penguin when he was at Sea World last weekend. I named it Steve because Ryan looks like Steve from Blue's Clue's. He's fucking cute. I slept with him last night (the penguin not Ryan).

Sometimes I think I should leave Dave for someone younger. It's not even that I really want to. I just feel like an 18 year old and a 30 year old shouldn't be together. Like he's keeping me from being a kid and I'm keeping him from being an adult...or something. I don't know. I do miss having a boyfriend my age sometimes. Staying out all night and causing mischief. But Dave makes me happy...fuck I don't know. I love the man, what can I say? He's fucking great. I'm happy/lucky to have him. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to think about what it was like to have a boyfriend I could be a child with.

I'm really tired today. I ate breakfast for once. One egg over medium and a couple slices of wheat toast. Good girl.

Someone's calling. I don't answer phones here. It's not my cell it's not my problem.

I'm blind.

(1 bad monkey | *Jump on the bed* )

[16 Jun 2004|07:17pm]
[ mood | confused ]

"im dying"

Started my new job today. I like it.

Having mixed feelings...
who the hell are you and where the fuck did you come from? Hmm?
Sneaky Pete's Restaurant and Bar, aren't they all? I couldn't count how many cowboy hats I saw today. Or how many guys I caught staring at my ass.
CheezBalls9000: i was supose to go get nipple today but i was too sick
What the hell am I doing? I'm going to ruin everything.

(*Jump on the bed* )

[15 Jun 2004|12:50pm]
[ mood | good ]

How fucking wonderful is my boyfriend? Lemme tell you...fucking wonderful. I love when we get along. This stupid petty argument shit needs to stop which means I need to calm down and don't get pissed when he does something that irritates me and just tell him to knock it off.


The past few days have been great, you made them great.

(*Jump on the bed* )

I am heaven sent [12 Jun 2004|01:07pm]
Don't you dare forget

We went to Lion Country Safari today. The drive through was awesome. I love lions. But the rest of it was hot and shitty. We have a zoo at home, I don't need to go feed the fucking goats. They smell anyway. There was also all these birds and you could pay $1.25 for nectar to feed them. Do you know how many birds we have here?!?! So it wasn't too interesting. Although there was this GIANT tortoise that farted. It was loud, and funny. I stalked some cute dorky kid who works there. Got his number. He got mine. He reminded me of this kid I knew growing up, Sam. I think that's what Sam would look like now. I miss southern California. I would've rather gone to the San Diego Zoo or the San Diego Wild Animal Park. It's not as hot there at 10 in the morning. I'm going to try to get a job at Lion Country Safari. It would be cool except I'd smell like animal dung. Oh my friggen god there was this animal, some wild pig looking thing, with a dong the size of my leg. It was dragging on the ground. I'm such a child sometimes, "Oh my god look at it's penis!!!"

I need to call Denny's today.

I miss Dave, didn't see him last night. Poopies. I got to spend the night with my dog though and I love her. I'm never alone at night. Ahh I feel loved.

Livejournal communities are fucking hilarious. So many irritable little kids. Haha. Good times. I'm done arguing though. It got boring. They all have the same things to say. Give me something creative guys come on.

(3 bad monkeys | *Jump on the bed* )

[11 Jun 2004|09:04pm]
Don't click this it's stupid-> __uniquekids

(*Jump on the bed* )

[11 Jun 2004|11:20am]
and>what>do>i>get>for>my>pain?Collapse )

(3 bad monkeys | *Jump on the bed* )

california calls [10 Jun 2004|06:06pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I have a goal. I never have goals. I'm going to save up $1000.00 so I can move back to California. I don't want to leave what I have here but I'm sorry. I can't be here anymore, it's making me too depressed. Lifeless. Fake. I'm not who I was and in some ways I guess it's good. But I didn't want to change. I didn't want to leave my life behind and it doesn't seem like my life out here is going anywhere. I want to run away to California and attempt to live out my hopeless dreams. I feel useless out here.

(*Jump on the bed* )

[09 Jun 2004|02:34pm]
and I didn't mean to fall in love
but I did

(*Jump on the bed* )

[07 Jun 2004|07:06pm]
um...... community....Tori's. Too lazy to go do all that picture linky stuff. ___forgotten___


(*Jump on the bed* )

[05 Jun 2004|12:59am]
I can't make the mistake of letting this slip out my lips. The consequences aren't worth it. The disappointment. I feel like such a child. I feel like you'd just laugh at me and think, "How cute."

I'm not a child. Then why do I feel like one? I'm always so afraid of the "when I was your age" lines.

If you knew anything about my life you'd know I'm not my age.

(*Jump on the bed* )

[03 Jun 2004|07:49pm]
I can't believe it's happening again. I won't. I don't. I deny all feelings I may have expressed into words and lyrics. I can lie about lying to myself and to you. Everytime I look at you I'm saying it. Everytime I kiss you... do you not see it? But it's all a mistake. I'm really asleep right now.
Under a roof
Under an overcast blanket
Under the satellites and stars
Yes...I'm really asleep.

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